Everything we live by.

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I haven’t been updating this recently but probably because a million thoughts go through my head at once and there’s never enough time to jot down exactly what I’m thinking at the time.

But this time, there’s one definite thought and I felt it extremely pertinent that I write it out.

It seems that through life, we celebrate the exciting moments and vent out about the disappointing ones and at times face the tragedies together. I feel like it’s the people who are there through everything with you, whether it’s your family, your friends, a significant other, a cousin …. that makes all the difference.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you, one of my besties, K, and your family …. I hope everything gets better soon!! I only wish I could be closer to you at times like this.

Life on the wards.

So I am aware I’ve been on quite the hiatus (moving to a new city, preparing for a new career, etc etc …. it’s been a busy several months already) and I apologize though I don’t think my blog particularly attracts the heavy amount of traffic some awesome fashion blogs do … which is fine with me because this has been made to be my own personal space. =)

Just a quickie on what I’ve been experiencing lately:

When can you say enough is enough for the number of procedures you place a patient through and finally say just let them go? I’m having this experience recently of which one of my current patients whom despite the fact I’m not particularly fond of because her family has already stirred a ruckus within the hospital with the staff, I actually feel very sorry for. She is just one very sick lady and though you don’t tend to enjoy seeing patients who hate talking to doctors, for me, seeing her, I just can’t help it but feel that enough is becoming enough. It seems with every turn through the way of treating her, another new problem arises. I feel like there will always be a new operation waiting for her until the day she finally breathes her last breath.

And though, as a physician, my duty to my patients is to give the best treatment possible for them to survive …. what if the case is that the best treatment is to not do anything at all? It’s not that surgeries and procedures and biopsies are what will cure someone … they will treat a problem but the patient will never be to the level they were prior to the procedure. And in her case I’m wondering … is it really all worth it? Or is it more of the last moments she spends with her family more important?

I am surprised at myself for feeling this way, this somewhat empathy towards her situation for a person whom I really don’t enjoy seeing in the morning. Maybe it is because I feel she has every right to be upset with being in the hospital ….

However, in the end, my opinion only goes by as that of a small intern’s. I wonder how much change I can bring about with that, but overall, I think that this lady needs no longer to be in the hospital.

Busy like a bee.

I apologize for going on hiatus again … Seriously lately things have been so busy with moving, finishing up my research manuscript and just getting residency paperwork done. I’m sure things will get even busier for the weeks to come (eeeck!!!) but you can’t imagine what it can be like until you’ve experienced it.

On another note, so excited to finally be an M.D. And now the door to other business that needs to be taken care of has been opened …. but for this weekend, it’s Greek fest, crawfish boils, and memorial day bbq’s …. can’t wait as I love to eat!!!

(Btw the above sign is a gift I bought from a local artist in New Orleans … I’ve always been wanting a piece of artwork from this city, just wasn’t sure of which one and finally decided on this!! I thought it was absolutely perfect …)

Sorry been on hiatus lately!!!

I apologize but things have been extremely hectic. I have a best friend from college who’s wedding I’ll be in, taking care of tons of paperwork for my new job, and then taking care of other paperwork that will let me stick around in the U.S. to even have a job, and admist of all this, still trying to hang out with my friends before we all go our own way!!! (sniffles)

But anyway, I found out that Carrie Underwood came out with a new album recently. Though I’m particularly a huge fan of her music, I still think she’s a phenomenal singer and absolutely gorgeous GORGEOUS woman!! She just has that absolutely amazing smile and that killer blond hair …. gosh I would die for!!

Anyway, but I came to really like this music video of hers, probably because she has such a huge array of different outfits on. :-P

The whirlwind of having a job ….

So I’ve been dealing with a ton of complications and crazy paperwork to embark on my next step in life called residency. All has been very intimidating and extremely frustrating but I think it’ll all work out in the end. I am a little nervous about moving to a new place and working with new people. We’ll see how things go?

What a match.

This is me eating a snowball on a hot, hot St. Patty’s Saturday afternoon. (Btw, I love my new cateye sunglasses I bought from Target a few days ago …. after having broken two pairs of shades already.)

So I have finally matched for residency and will soon officially be a doctor! I still can’t believe all that has happened in the past couple of days …. on Friday, I found out where I’d be going for residency and I pretty much spent Saturday celebrating and Sunday running errands while still not thinking of anything of the future to come. :-P

But anyway, it’s been a weird emotional roller coaster ride for me. No doubt, Match Day for any medical student is the most stressful/exhilarating day of our lives. You see a crazy range of emotion from complete utter excitement and happiness to absolute disappointment to the point of people crying as well. I mean, when you’re involved in a system where you have to rank where you want to commit the next couple of years of your life, it’s only normal for someone to not be as excited if they match to somewhere other than their #1 (especially if there is some level of devotion they’d placed into their first ranked spot which is my case).

And though, I’m absolutely elated about matching within my top 3 choices, I definitely am not at the emotional level as I would’ve been if I’d won my #1 spot. It’s just like in sports; winning the silver medal obviously doesn’t feel the same as getting the gold. One thing I was determined not to do though was to cry. I knew that I’d accomplished so much and that the fact I’d matched in itself was a tremendous achievement, I had absolutely no reason to cry on Match Day. I was going to hold my head high because I am still going to be a doctor nonetheless.

My only beef is … why can’t I just be as excited sometimes? I feel like at moments I put so many expectations on myself that I also will get disappointed as well. Even my parents are more excited than I am about my matching. So why can’t I feel like I’m on top of the world? I really wish I felt more exhilarated, I really do …. but unfortunately, because I didn’t get my top choice, it’s hard to feel the same rush of excitement. Sometimes I wish I were more easily satisfied.

And yet, I feel like I’m still a more laid back personality than some others … but who knows. We’re all so diversely different and have various ways of acting “laid back” that it’s hard to really pinpoint if one person is more laid back than the other.

So on Match Day, I knew even if it wasn’t my top choice (but still within my top 3), it was still a great match. And I was going to express it as though I’d just won the lottery. Because I really did!!!!!!

On another note, I’ve come to terms with myself to be more honest with my feelings. Not everyone may agree with what I think but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. If something doesn’t feel right or it feels uncomfortable, I’ve decided to be more honest about it with myself. It doesn’t mean that I need the whole world to agree with me, I just need to stop putting myself in denial. I think once I admit to myself how I truly feel about something, then I will fear less what I’m experiencing. Even if I’m the only one.

For instance, medical school is an insane competition of dealing with a hierarchy of grades and finding out who’s better than you and whatnot. A friend of mine last night had a little shpeal on how he was glad medical school was over with for him, that unlike medical school, in residency there is less of the competition amongst the grades you have to deal with. Honestly, I was a little surprised that he was confiding in me about this (though I’m sure I’m not the first person to hear about it) because this is someone who matched into ophthalmology, an extremely competitive field. Then I guess the more competitive of a specialty you pursue, the more stressed out you get in snagging a better residency …. despite the fact that you matched such a competitive field, to you yourself personally, if you don’t get your top choice, you’ll always feel a little … lacking somewhere.

It is for these reasons why I had trouble convincing myself that it’s ok that I’m not pursuing such a crazy competitive specialty. I did it because I wanted to …. and I don’t need to prove why to anyone.

It’s just that, why is it so hard to admit that to ourselves? Is this when competition really gets in the way of our happiness? Maybe that’s why more developed cities/countries are not necessarily the happiest ….

But like I said before, I’m extremely happy. I’m not willing to let things damper my mood down, I’m so determined to move forward with my achievement as much as I can.

New and Familiar things ….

are what I’ve tended to pursue lately. Now with a limited time left to really enjoy myself (or is it a result of age as well?), I’m only willing to pursue new things of where I have an inkling of whether I’ll enjoy it or not. It seems a little more difficult recently to feel crazy exhilarated after doing something I truly enjoy. I wonder if it’s because it involves a lot of coordinating people to get together (which doesn’t always work out to a tease so a lot of the time, I’m doing stuff on my own) and sometimes it’s really just having the people around to hang out with you that makes for a good time.

I’ve noticed recently that just because something is “free” doesn’t necessarily attract me to pursue it. I am moreso willing to put my energy into something I’ve been terribly craving for and may be partially obsessing over. That’s when I know I’ll at least feel some form of ultimate satisfaction of getting what I want. ;) It seems recently I’ve been experiencing spurts of random cravings that I absolutely must satisfy …. or else I’ll be obsessing for a while. That is of course these cravings are within reason for me to pursue (for instance if I can afford it $$$wise …). I don’t know if it’s the jitters of waiting for D-Day to happen next week or just because I’m back at home, taking care of myself and doing work again for a change, I feel this need to reward myself (even when I haven’t really done anything …. but that’s why they’re called cravings).

Or is it the arrival spring?

I can’t explain it but there is an increase in things I’ve been wanting lately (music, clothes, food, drinking with friends hehehe etc) during a time I should try to avoid spending too much $$$ ….

Yet it is the last time I can enjoy the company of my friends like I’m doing now so I will take advantage of this opportunity!!

Let’s just say, as of right now, I just want something I want rather than something I need.

I’ll be livin’ the life for the next 2 weeks for now !!!

Happy early St. Patrick’s Day everyone!

That’s what I’ll be celebrating (in addition to the main thing I’ll be celebrating) in a week!! CAN’T WAIT !!!!

(Obviously this isn’t a photo I took … it is from the Bed and Breakfast Inns of New Orleans website, if you click the photo, you will get led there!)