And yet, I still feel like things are moving very fast. It’s become a new thing where I hang out with people in larger group settings and less so one on one. I kind of miss that … having the intimate moments with friends to really be able to express ourselves and be able to say what we need to say. When you’re in a group setting though, there will be people whom you won’t get the chance to talk to or those people will be busy talking to others, you never get the opportunity to let them know how you’ve been. It seems to be the pattern when you get busier in life … or at least older. You just cram in as many faces as you can when you have your time off and hope to be able to absorb as much as you can.

Yet sometimes …. it is that one face for me that really is more meaningful than seeing eight other faces all at once.

At times, I crave for the moments to just hang out with my roommate when we can. She’s been working so hard it’s become a bit challenging and I cannot blame her for something that’s beyond her control …. but there are moments where I’ve felt as though she’s become so heavily attached towards her co workers that they may become her closer friends than me. In a sense, I feel like I’m getting sort of the shaft.

Weird, isn’t it? Because these guys are also extremely friendly to me as well, invite me to hang out with them and whatnot. Yet I can’t help but feel sort of like an outsider now. Our lives have begun to diverge, they continue to move forward in close working circles while I am in the spot they all were in one year ago. I’m not complaining (or maybe I am?), I’m just trying to find some truth to my feelings lately.

It sometimes feel as though we all try to show our appreciation, the fact that we enjoy one another’s friendship despite our chaotic schedules …. unfortunately, with all the time we have, it gets more challenging to really extract a satisfying dose of spending time with others. At least that’s how I’ve been feeling as I inch closer towards “the end”.

But one reminder to myself I try to get back to when I can: I do what I love and I’m going to do it the only way I know how to. And I won’t feel bad about it.

I may have been flying to either Arizona or Philadelphia when I took this photo … possibly Philadelphia as I never sit in the window seat and there was one flight where I had the entire row to myself.

I’m leaving for the motherland in a week!! Looking forward to going home at last. It’s been over a year since I was last there ….

I just recently completed my last interview for residency and today I briefly taught cardiac physiology to the first year medical students. In the midst, I also gave them the best tips I could on how to survive and really prosper during the next three years of medical school.

And it made me realize, I’m here. I did it. I’m at the “end” (sort of).

Granted residency is no piece of cake either but …. it’s such a huge accomplishment to be able to finally say, “I’m going to be a doctor.”

Is that really true?

I’m still in disbelief. I just hope I’ll be able to uphold the title as much as I’ve been privileged in doing so.

But I am! It’s not like I’m unemployed, having trouble finding a job or anything … I’m definitely in a spot where I’m trying to push my career forward. It’s just the other parts of my life that may be a bit stagnant … but I’ve always been the type to take things in small strides at a time. Is it so bad that I want to take one step at a time?

Another odd thing … considering how close I am to my milestone age, the idea of having a baby still feels extremely foreign to me. Recently I went to a friend’s goodbye party where the host and hostess recently had their baby. And seeing their baby, the fact that it was their baby still did not register into my head very well. These were two people I used to go out with a lot, drinking wise. And now they are married and have their own child!! It just made me realize … I’m definitely not ready for this life yet. I still have my career and the place I want to ultimately settle …. I’m just not there yet.

But is that the weird part? Why am I not ready yet? Should I be ready by now? Should I be itching to get engaged, get married, and have my own kids? And is it wrong for me to feel ok that I don’t have that itch?

Thank goodness for other single girlfriends or I would die of lonesomeness here. I told my roommate that she’d better not get engaged while I have no potential in sight or I’ll just be extremely sad, swimming in my own depression! In fact, about a year ago, when it seemed like she and her boyfriend started to become more serious, I recall feeling tremendously sad … of the upcoming changes that would happen. Of course I didn’t express these feelings to her but accepting it was … not an easy process. Little did I know that things would fall through a few months later …

I am currently not in the spot to be seriously dating anyone. And after my recent blind-date-that-never-happened disaster, I kind of want to stay away from set ups for a while. I would like to live free of expectations at least until I am ready to say that I want to move forward …..

The grass may look greener on the other side (though in this case I don’t feel it being greener) but it’s always important to want what you already have.

I still am in disbelief that the new year has officially arrived. Everything seems to have just whirlwinded through – I feel since October I lost track of time and felt like I was just going through the motions – and now we are at a new start, people!

Let me just say, this year started off rocky with its ups and downs but I really think it was those moments that made me emerge as stronger woman and the person I am now. I could not be in a better place and I am so tremendously thankful to have had such a wonderful year with amazing friends and family. Without them I could not have survived this far and 2011 was definitely one gamechanging year.

Not to say that 2012 will be any less of year in the least! I am determined to make it another fabulous year, maybe not with such defining resolutions but moreso learning everyday and focusing on how I can better myself.

So for this new year’s eve, my friends and I ended up dropping a significant amount of $$$ to attend a private party held at a dressy club here in New Orleans. This isn’t really my normal style of celebrating New Year’s hence why I was excited about the idea of wearing pretty dresses and making myself presentable before everything went downhill from the alcohol intake (and seeing how all of our tolerances have dropped significantly). It was very fun, the music was great, though I wasn’t so thrilled about the alternating between eating and drinking part … it was either I could have food or I could have alcohol but not both at once. This wasn’t a rule of the club’s, it was moreso because I didn’t have enough hands to transport anything around. Overall, I was ecstatic to be able to wear my glowing red dress I purchased from BCBG outlet (that was a huge question was to where I would wear the dress to) for a holiday event!!

Just some photos from the night’s festivities:

As you can see the theme was masquerade ….

On a side note, I’ve felt as though lately the busyness of my life has kind of put me in a strange daze of which I’m moving through the motions of life like everything’s a to-do list I need to check off. My enthusiasm for things has begun to wane a bit and I find this emotion a little disturbing. I really do hope it has something to do with the holidays (and a less willingness to want to do stuff when the holidays roll around). When I am back home, I am constantly thinking of the next thing I need to take care of, whether it be groceries or just some crafts supplies that I just bought to design tickets for our fundraiser (for a trip to Romania I’ll be going on with other medical and graduate school students!! Now this I am tremendously excited about …. though the fact that people have been less responsive lately with regards to planning has gotten me in a slight aggravated tizzy). The best word I could use to describe myself I suppose would be I feel sort of “blah” when I do things.

Some things I do notice I’ve enjoyed moreso recently than before … I definitely have become more appreciative of spending one on one time with people. I like that someone is interested enough to ask me about how I’ve been doing and it gives me the opportunity to express myself. As I’d been hanging out in group settings several times lately, I’ve noticed that I haven’t been really talking as much (probably because it’s also a bunch of guys) as I feel that the others have more to say than I do (or do they? I really would like to chatter up to, guys …).

This past Christmas, I actually spent it with my uncle’s family in California and I have to say it was the best time I’ve had in a long time. It wasn’t necessarily mind blowingly crazy or insane but rather …. quiet and slow enough for me to reflect and just really absorb myself into one activity. I can feel my focus get fragmented when I come home. There are just so many distractions, so many things to take care of …. it seems as we grow older, we have to become better multitaskers because there always seems to be something out there that we haven’t taken care of … sigh. But nooo when I was in California, none of this butted in because well I wasn’t exactly in my own space either. So I didn’t have access to things that would tremendously fragment my mind. And guess what? I finished an entire novel (I guess it depends on how you would classify a book called Freakonomics? Which by the way, is a fantastic book though I don’t 100% agree with all Levtiz’s theories but it is interesting to read about) in a week!! Or less than a week because I picked up that novel 1-2 days after I’d arrived in California. Also, I finally finished Time Traveler’s Wife (also another great book, definitely more graphic but in an aesthetically appealing sense compared to the film). And I discovered a thing or two on the side that I really enjoy (comical sketches done by Ms. Natalie Tran on YouTube … her style of humor is so appealing to me) and having the chance to rebond with my younger cousins again (well at least with the one who stayed at home longer). Overall, I just learned so much more of the dynamic changes that had been going on in my family and it was just …. terrific. Not necessarily the changes but for me to rekindle my close relationship with the closest family I have in the States.

I am determined to not let life just rush me by. It is hard but you do have to let yourself have a moment or two to yourself when the going gets rough … otherwise, there’s really no other way to survive through this busy life.

And it’s been a tremendous while since I’ve updated on this blog, eh? Same concept, I’ve just not been able to sit myself down and really organize my thoughts.

But here I am.

Happy New Year’s, everyone!!

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Regardless … I’m excited for the holidays! It actually feels like it came faster than expected this year … usually I’m pretty well absorbed into the holiday season but I felt moreso like I was rushed to decorate our apartment, write cards, and buy a flight to visit family. Thanksgiving really did feel like it came and went and I basically squeezed the juice out of interviewing since then along with my research presentation I had to do. It’s all a really great experience, just this flying is getting me tremendously exhausted (not to mention I was on an extra tiny plane on my last flight returning from Chicago). At least I finally got a week’s worth of rest!!! Thank goodness~~~

Also, I’m on schedule to travel to Romania from late March till early April!! It’s for a volunteering trip with my medical school but also a lot of travel of eastern Europe involved … can’t wait!! I really don’t think I’ll have another opportunity to visit eastern Europe after this though 20 hours of flying and another 6-8 hour bus ride after flying sounds absolutely horrendous. That is by far the worst amount of traveling I would have done ….

At least I’ll get another taste of what call would be like, just on a plane ….

Now if only match day could be just as joyous I will be set for the next 3 years …