Ok, I feel a little better now after diffusing a bit. Kinda gets tricky when you don’t have a roommate at home to vent to.
But anyway, it’s kind of ironic but the more I went through my family medicine rotation, I managed to develop a stronger conviction for why I want to pursue hematology-oncology as a career. Initially, it was when we had our pathology class with looking at blood smears, which I found very interesting. From then on, I developed an interest for heme-onc, the various physiologic processes behind each disease even though they are not something a patient would want to have.
And as I read on how it’s crucial to catch certain cancers early on, it has hit me recently on how I feel I can largely contribute to this work of saving lives. Even though a certain number of heme-onc patients don’t manage to survive, I don’t find it to be a field of work where there’s a dead end. These patients have hit rock bottom and truly strive to survive. I feel that I want to be someone who is providing them a hand when they’ve hit this point with a desire to live. We want to prevent the disease from happening but when they’ve already occurred, we want to provide a treatment, a cure, to let these people return to the lives they had previously. It is in this sense, I want to feel that I’m saving lives and making a difference in the medical world.
It is ironic because I had similar reasoning behind why I wanted to do cardiology. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that I function well in emergency settings; I need time to think out the problem and contemplate the best plan possible. Although I still love learning about cardio, this reason and some others are why I’ve begun to deter away from it a little bit.
Now to be double boarded in hematology and oncology, wouldn’t that be something?
Sigh … that many more hoops to jump to get there.