Test anxiety ….

Or should I say excitement to the end of a rough year?

Gosh, the annoyance of third year – at least with my school – is that they will allow us to schedule our rotations only two blocks at a time. Kinda gets in the way of arranging everything around applying, step 2, interviews and whatnot …. grrrr. Recently, I felt as though I haven’t been planning things out too well and began to freak out just a little bit … even though it’s pretty clear that freaking out won’t help me at this point when I have to be studying for a makeup shelf exam. I need to breathe, continue to remind myself that I can do this … gosh medical school is rough. Regardless of how much I love it, it is so tough, third year is definitely another eye opener compared to second year. Not only do you still have to study your butt off, you still gotta be able to pull off impressing those who work with you. Gaaaack … so when can we catch a break?

Oy, and for me, I have a tendency to get really hyper after working on the wards. Just all that stimulation overload gets me a little more hyped than I want to be …. then it just gets tricky to focus.

In the end, though, I know it will all work out. I will figure out a way to make myself shine, even if it may not be according to the standards of what people are used to. After all, isn’t that how we live life? We just throw ourselves out there, hope to be loved, hope to be appreciated and whatnot …..

There have been several interns I’ve worked with who’ve complained and even gone as far as to saying that they could see themselves doing something else besides being a doctor. I can see how just being the bottom of the totem pole (aside from being a student) as the role of the intern can be rough … I can’t 100% understand what it’s like as I myself am not an intern but I feel even if I do complain and bitch and whatnot, I don’t think I could ever say, I could see myself doing anything else.

I find this work exhilarating. The power to be able to treat, to cure, to give people advice on how they should take care of themselves …. what more line of work could be more satisfactory than that? No doubt there will be moments I will be burnt out to the core … I’m kind of getting there already. Yet … that’s what medicine is, isn’t it? That love, hate relationship. Despite the low pay, the long work hours, the long suffering years of training, there is gratification, larger than having a big fat check, larger than driving that nice car, larger than having that nice house. That is what you would call passion.

Eck, on another note, the shoes I’d originally ordered got switched out. =( I was a bit surprised that Macy’s would do such a thing, without warning to me!! I’m assuming they ran out of the shoes that I’d wanted but couldn’t they have indicated that before I was purchasing online? I dunno … I sent them an email (sigh gosh why do I have such a myriad of issues to deal with outside of medical school right now) requesting to explain what had happened and if I could still get the original item I’d ordered.

Hehe, if not, I think I’ll still be able to enjoy these shoes. 😉 I just liked the black and bronze patent of the other pair though … 😦

My gosh, the alcohol will be flowing very much this weekend … I am in dire need of it, just glad my cough is almost gone now!!!


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