It’s just a funny thing.
So, ok, my cousin E will be visiting me this upcoming Mardi Gras. I got a phone call from my mom yesterday saying that E called our grandma and her and basically told them that she’d be visiting me. So with my extremely laid back current rotation where I’ve had enough time to bust out some words on a personal statement for residency, I’ve also been figuring out plans for my cousin as this will be her first visit down south. She seems very excited and I feel she’ll fit right in with her strong artistic side and seeing that New Orleans is a city of artists.
It was just a thought that hit me today. E has grown up in an environment where her mother was constantly heavily dependent on her … honestly, I’ll be blunt here, her mother isn’t the most mature person on the planet. Especially for a parent … although parts of these assumptions are based off of word of mouth from my own mother – though I’m sure she’s been keen enough to notice these things as we’ve stayed close with our family in California – I find them extremely plausible. When I say being “dependent” on her, basically E has been accustomed to growing up where she saw her mother complain about how hard work was (her family didn’t exactly grow up in the most prosperous environment … I would say moreso impoverished and not highly educated though both E and her sister succeeded in getting accepted to some of the best colleges in the States) so E has come around to becoming very protective of her mother. She tries to not let her work too hard and avoids asking for things, usually would try to supply herself with her own salary. I have to say, I admire her passion to take care of her parents. I’m not exactly fond of how it came about, what with her mother’s lack of maturity and whatnot, but her passion is still true passion. It’s not everyday you see someone motivated to give every cent and penny she earns for her parents so that they suffer less.
And though she doesn’t ask her mom for many things, I’ve noticed that E actually will ask me for advice or help on various matters (or even to buy her stuff haha). Though we communicate every now and then since it’s only about once a year we get around to seeing each other (two this time … o wow, I’ve never seen her face this frequently in a while, possibly since high school). Ironically, this kind of became the most satisfying feeling to me.
Ever since we were younger, I felt as though I was never really mature enough to be the older one. At times, I felt intimidated by E but it seems as though that stems from her tendency to not be very feminine from time to time and just carry this slight quiet haughtiness in her attitude. Sometimes that would play to her advantage but it also kind of makes her difficult to approach. I felt like (not so much anymore) at moments that the small amount of girliness that I had in itself was immature as she would mock me about it.
Well, now that we’ve both grown and matured our different ways, I’ve grown into the woman I am now as she has herself. And now I stand for what I believe in and have found things I definitely don’t want to give up. She the same.
And with our last interaction and our recent conversations, I’m seeing more and more how she really does look up to me like an older sister. Probably not entirely the same thing as we have different parents and didn’t grow up 100% right next to each other. I’m still definitely more ADD than she is, my thoughts go from one destination to the next very quickly and I like to chitter chatter about random crap haha but I’ve managed to at least make sense with the stories I tell now. 😛
Hehe, she’ll probably never admit any of this to my face but I can kind of already see that. She’s definitely shed a bit of the whole I’m-too-cool-for-that attitude (though I still see strains of it here and there every now and then).
This understanding in itself is actually pretty fabulous if you ask me. There are many things you don’t have to express verbally to feel them …. because they truly are real and words just might not do them justice.