Jealousy is an interesting feeling.

And it creeps up on you during the most unexpecting times.

Ever been so jealous of a girl that you wish you could just burn the idea of her to the ground? Yet there’s really nothing’s she done to you in general?

I remember the first time I felt strongly this way, it was when a guy I’d briefly dated at the start of medical school but ended things with started dating another girl and the two did not hide their cheeriness of being together in public places. I felt it was extremely inconsiderate of them, particularly moreso of the guy even while knowing that I was seeing all of this, to just act all lovey dovey in my face. Ironically, his gf is now someone I really enjoy talking to when I see her every now and then.

Now the current person I feel that way towards is due to a much less logical reason … probably more of a natural feeling buildup kind of thing. She’s a fellow intern and in the same program as S, I met her when I was on an elective and realized how sweet this girl was and o so pretty … she reminded me of a girl my close guy friend used to date and I thought she (friend’s ex) was absolutely gorgeous, just that natural, at-ease look to her that makes you smile inside.

Well, this girl is one of them. I’m going to abbreviate her name as A.T. for now. And though I’m aware that she and S are just friends, I can’t help but develop the urge to want to kill her every time I hear her name from any person’s mouth. The fact that she’s in the same program as him just shows how smart she is as it is one of the most competitive programs to match into in America. Not only is she smart, she’s pretty, really sweet (out of the numerous interns I’ve met, she’s one who rarely, if ever, complains about her work), and just has this laid back demeanor about her. All this is why I can’t stand hearing about her, even from people who don’t know why I hate hearing about her. I swear, in her presence, I feel like I’m shriveling done into a shade of insignificance.

Yet despite all these emotions that gurgle around inside me, I know that in truth, there’s nothing for me to prosecute about. But dangit … why does she have to be so smart and pretty and so nice?!?! Grrrr ….

Feelings are a funny thing.

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