Spring is almost here.

O goodness … another devastating earthquake. Mother nature has not been kind to us this year. I just hope the people of Chile survive it through ok, it’s at least partially relieving to hear that they prepared for such devastation after experiencing a 9.5 magnitude earthquake in the past. However, it sounds like the death of citizens was not something that could be evaded.

Spring is almost here. Tomorrow will be the closing ceremony of the winter Olympics. I cannot believe it’s coming to an end now … I swear, that was three weeks of the most exciting sports events I’ve ever seen. I still cannot stop watching Kim Yuna’s (actual Korean pronunciation moreso like Kim Yeona) Olympic ice skating performance. It’s just inspiring to see such a young girl pour her heart and soul into a performance that will be forever remembered by many and go down into history as the most incredible Olympic show ever put on … and for a South Korean skater where we Koreans couldn’t even get a skater to win a medal for figure skating, let alone even reach the finals for the program, this accomplishment just rewrites history for us. It just shows the vast possibilities of people’s potentials.

I will be back on my feet on an intense rotation again starting Monday … surgery. I have managed to obtain a decently not so busy schedule though I’m a little nervous of having to deal with standardized exams again. Oh wells … what can you really do, tis a part of life, tis a part of doing what I want to do.

Today I went out to dinner with my roommate’s family as they were visiting and well … I guess the equivalent of her boyfriend joined us. The two have had this ridiculously long on and off relationship since they first met at the beginning of medical school but it seems that they’ve come to an agreeable ground of things and now have managed to allow things to get serious enough for one to meet the other’s parents. I was a little bit surprised, not entirely as I partially saw it coming as well, but otherwise, slightly saddened.

I feel like everyone around me is pairing off now. They either had someone to be with before or they’ve gotten someone new in their lives. Though I still enjoy immensely the time I spend with them, I know things won’t be the same anymore. There will always be that third extra person and I can no longer rant my being single issues to those same girls anymore. It is like the scene in Sex and the City when Carrie finally comes to the decision of moving to Paris after she notices that all her friends have begun to move on with their lives. Though I would love to still be with my friends during residency, I don’t expect to depend on them when we select where we decide to go. Oooh … it just makes me realize, what a lonesome place this world can be every now and then. And sometimes the feeling hits, my closest female friends around me all have someone who’s willing to stay around with them, live their lives with them, plan their future together … and why is it I am the only one who gets the guy who’s not ready for any of this? Who’s not willing to put himself out there and who knows when he changes his mind on that …. Maybe I guess on the plus side, this is the longest I’ve gone with any guy … though it was still a shitty relationship … I think …. sometimes I’m not really sure what it was at all. But you get my drift.

I am aware that everyone has their time to come for things to just fall into place.

But why is it I who always has to be last …. I feel like I’m destined to be alone or something honestly. Truthfully, I sort of feel like a bit of an outcast lately.

And it seems like, this whole springing up of engagements, relationships, and whatnot has made me feel the pressure even more on S even though I knew it was the wrong thing to put any of it upon him. So I let go of it all … for my sanity’s sake …. and though there’s this slight bit of sorrow that lingers within me, I know I’m doing it all for the right reasons.

Despite all this feeling like crap with loneliness stuff, I will prevail. I am a strong woman, things like these won’t make me falter in what I believe in.

However, it helps to vent it out every once in a while. Like right now.

Tomorrow my roommate and I will be briefly swapping cars in the morning … and she has a beamer 😉 (yes, I know you are probably thinking, what was she thinking?!). I think I might just drive that thing down the freeway and see how it runs. I am sort of in need of the speed as of now.


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