I am super excited. Though I haven’t been on too rough of a rotation, a girl really could use a break from the constant cycling of this crazy life of figuring out where she wants to take her next step. The prospect of residency puts me in mood swings each day. Though I have an idea of what I want to do, the fear of changing my mind along the road and me just burning out is a scary one that looms over me. I am aware of the drawbacks with the field I want to go into so I really have to constantly ask myself, can I handle it?
Not to say every field is perfect without any cons … every field has its issues and you just gotta weigh the pros and cons and see if you can deal with them. Maybe a bit depressing when you think that that is how you’re partially basing your future career off of but in the end, you’ll notice you can find reason to like any medical field so figuring out which nagging stuff can really bother you is crucial. That is the reality here.
Either way, I’ve found this road to self discovery a little lonely. All us medical students come in different shapes and sizes and have different reasons behind our choices for what we want to do … and we may change our minds accordingly if need be. I just wish sometimes that the price of wanting to do so much didn’t cost me to feel this way.
There have been times when I think back to how I was feeling as a late teenager, right before college, getting ready to leave Korea and move back to the States to get my future started. When I look back now, I had strong reasons for my wanting to gain some independence in my future. My parents were always extremely providing, outside of studying they never forced me to do other work and I felt it a hindrance to myself because I didn’t feel I had many opportunities to just live out on my own. So in a sense, the thought of living away from them was exciting, I’d become less dependent on their opinions and the influence it had on me. Though I’m sort of moving in a different direction now, this feeling of a free spirit continues to linger. However, now that I’ve had a good taste of it, I can’t help but admit there are other things I want as well in addition to starting my career.
I just wonder if this long term living as a sole free spirit has affected me to find difficulty in living with others again? Although I feel if that were the case, I wouldn’t be living with a roommate right now. Honestly, the thought of living alone again in residency is a bit fearful to me because the last time I did that, I began to get really depressed and to the point where I could hear my thoughts. 😛
We shall see.
Yes I’m babbling right now.
But anyway, I’ll be traveling to ATL tomorrow, so excited!! Also because it’s a city high up on my list for residency.