It is funny how feelings change with time. There was someone I had been “seeing” for a while and eventually ended things with because I realized this “thing” we had going on was just not enough for me. Unfortunately, I began to notice that I was falling for someone who could never give me what I wanted … and he made that clear in the beginning too though we still hung out after that.
It honestly took me three long months to really pull myself forward from it all. Just the idea of not expecting to hear from him was the most agonizing experience ever. Anything that remotely resembled his name or any music or tv show that was reminiscent of things we talked about made me want to cry. Then I just got bitter of anything that reminded me of him. Yet I was too embarrassed to admit this to anyone as we were never really official so I felt I didn’t have enough in this relationsh*t to be sad over.
But I still was immensely heartbroken.
After that, I hit a point where every morning I woke up, the first thought that crossed my mind was will I always be this alone forever? I felt a bit depressed each day I rose from bed to go to work in a dawnlike setting with lack of sunlight.
Well after three months of recovering, I gained the strength to talk to him again like we were friends. But I am totally aware that we are both at different places emotionally and that things will never work out between us. His name still stands out from those of others but the reality is that I have moved on. I might feel some prickly emotion at the sight of something familiar of him but truth is, I am worth way more than the bullsh*t he gave me. Maybe I was a bit harsh on him to cut him off so coldly, maybe I wasn’t. But the truth was it was the only way I could handle the situation emotionally.
So he will be him and I will be me. There is no us, never was, and never will be.
I am worth more than that and he knows it.