I feel like these days I’m definitely working to the max to provide the best patient care I can. For a while, at the beginning of my clerkship year, I still took many things for granted, I worked hard but if I couldn’t find something, I really had no idea how to become proactive about it. I just felt I needed to learn the rules of the game first before I could really throw myself out there.

Things have begun to change a little bit as I begin to transition into fourth year. As of now, I’ve been attempting to manage an ICU patient with my resident and boy, has it been quite the challenge. There are five million different things I need to look out for and definitely no clear cut diagnosis …. you just gotta manage everything. Yet I know it will be a good learning experience for me so I keep pushing myself to learn more of it, despite that nagging senioritis feeling I keep getting in the back of my gut.

I swear, I feel the aging in my face as I stress each morning to figure out everything that’s going on with my patient. Luckily, I’m not rushed to write notes on a bajillion patients prior to staff rounding like I did a month ago … yet I still feel the pressure mounting. There’s always something new to learn, always something new for me to look out for. Then the question that runs in my head is, am I truly learning anything? Because all I seem to be getting is new things to learn …. so do I really even know what I already learned about?

Gosh, it’s all just an interesting myriad of things and how a pin of a difference can really dramatically alter results.


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