I mean, the more I watch my previous upper level classmates approach their first day of residency, the more I ask, is it all really worth it? And what’s it worth? The jadedness, feeling tired, complaining, really trying to contain it all in but you know … it’s much tougher than we’d expect it to be. And all along this journey, there are patient’s lives at stake.
Are my reasons for choosing the specialty I want really good enough? Will it keep me to survive … and is this something I’d recommend to other people …
I still have no regrets for coming this far, for approaching that moment where I’ll be hired somewhere to work as a physician. Though lately the thought has crossed my mind, what would my life had been like if I’d gone done a different career path? Am I doing the right thing? There are still things that I want and will I have the time to do them ….
I remember as a rising third year student, seeing the interns complain and stress and just looking miserable, I just thought, I’d like to avoid becoming bitter in that fashion. Yet … you know you will somehow transition into that state. It’s just so hard to avoid becoming that jaded one …. and with all the push and pull of these different personalities, it’s really hard to figure out in your mind what’s really right for you and what’s not.
Residency just sounds excruciatingly daunting … and all the hoops I have to jump after that. In the end, are we all just settling for something we can deal with? I hate having to burst some new students’ bubbles but I do feel that I need to give them some form of perspective … is also my focus of not going after lifestyle but rather, going after the field itself, how much I enjoy it going to exhaust me in the end as I’ll be a part of that service everyone dumps their problems into??
And will everyone in the field of medicine just have some form of animosity towards each other in different departments …. I really don’t think that is necessary and I don’t like to think that I’ll be changing in that direction …. and seeing how far I’ve come throughout life, I have faith that I’ll still be able to stand my own ground …. but it’ll take some swaying in the beginning before I realize it all.