A picture of the church behind my apartment building. The view is from the window of my friend’s unit and I really do love the scene from hers (while at the same time I love mine as well hehe =)). And yes, that’s a cemetery. After all, I do live in New Orleans.
First days are always rough for me. I feel as though I put high expectations on myself even when it’s not quite the time for it yet. As a result, I really put a lot of pressure onto myself. As of now, I feel bad for not enjoying my subintern rotation (basically I’m a student but I’m attempting to work to the level of an intern though that’s kind of hard when you don’t have signing off privileges … though I’m in no rush to get those just yet :-P) as I think my friend is really enjoying hers. I’m still burnt out from all this studying and the area I’m interested in pursuing involves quite a bit of – as doctors put it – mental masturbation. In other words, tons and tons of ponderance and for some reason, it’s really getting to me right now. So for a second there, I began to have second thoughts as to if I could handle all of this responsibility … yet why am I feeling so pressured to be so good at it all right now? I even felt this way at the beginning of rotations one year ago. I’m always so hard on myself as a beginner …. when in the end, when the situation arises, I probably will be able to pull it all off.
Sigh healthcare is such a weird emotional field. One moment you feel this way, the next you feel like that … it’s hard to really understand what really fits you sometimes.