I think I’ve become a bit of a jaded, bitter senior. I never wanted to become like this but as I am still on some rotations where I’m like a third year student, I’m noticing I want to complain more … is this really what all residents go through during their training? Halfway as a third year student, that was the thought that crossed my mind. Why are these interns so bitter? Why are they always constantly complaining? Is it so wrong of me to have happy thoughts more than they do … yet I don’t want to strike as naive for not being understanding. Gosh … when it gets rough, it really does get rough. Personalities can spark and really rub others the wrong way …. and you can feel yourself just becoming an exhausted senior as time goes by ….
I remember as a first year medical student hearing a senior medical student talking about matching for surgery residency. He didn’t sound at all excited about it …. rather tired. I just thought, you’re going to be a doctor!! Why aren’t you more excited about it?!?! And I sort of scoffed him ….
However, when I look back now, it’s rough, and I’m starting to feel like him myself. It’s getting harder to keep my head up high, to really know that I’m making a difference ….. to be as passionate as I start out with.
Sometimes I feel as though, passion is like a battery that needs to be recharged differently each time. It really can just blow out if you’re not careful about it but there’s always a way to rekindle it. We’re only human, we can’t have that same feeling forever … but we can always recharge it in a different way when we feel life is just wearing us down.