Who we are.

(I apologize as I cannot recall the source of this photo but it definitely wasn’t taken by me …. I have never been to Japan during cherry blossom season though I wish I could’ve been …. although I have been in Korea during cherry blossom season so I’m assuming both would be pretty similar hehehehehe)

It is true, there seems to be a perfect place, perfect person, perfect situation that just fits us. Of course we may not realize it till we encounter it ourselves.

I don’t know why but it was this morning when I felt I had a picture of how my future life will be …. and it was not going to be much different from where I am now.

First off, I’m realizing I definitely don’t have the energy to do the many things I did just a few years ago. And also, it seems that this may be the reason why it is harder to change adults than children …. we just get used to particular things that it becomes harder and harder to change ourselves, in a sense we become less flexible about how we handle things in life. Although I am one who is always for you should try things before you make up your mind, I think I’ve tried enough to realize what I like and dislike. 😛 And as conservative as I may sound to you, the reader, I realize more and more that if I were to finally marry someone … there’s a high likelihood that he will be Korean. Not that I would go out and seek someone who is Korean for that purpose, if anyone else were to ask me out, I wouldn’t say no, I’d still give him a fair shot, but every person I’ve dated in the past has not been Korean …. or even have remotely similar family values … hence, explaining why things would fall apart usually. I guess with this experience under my belt, it just has made me a bit jaded and cynical.

There was this episode in How I Met Your Mother (yes I quote a lot of things from that show … but that’s because I just love it that much hehe) called “The Front Porch” in which one of the ladies of the show is revealed to have been sabotaging the main character’s relationships because she felt she couldn’t picture them all growing old together on a front porch. Similarly, I have a picture in my mind of how my future will be. As most of my family is in Korea, I try to visit them at least once a year. Initially, I thought that when I decide to settle in the States, those visits will become less and less … but in truth, I know I will maintain visiting them as much as I can just because my family and I are that close. Yes, I also cherish my friendships to a nearly equal level of closeness but you will see that as time goes by and you get busier every minute, you really end up only being able to keep in touch with those whom you knew were always close to you.

And that is another reason why I feel there is a high likelihood of me eventually settling with someone Korean …. it’s not that I won’t date someone who’s not … it’s in the end, are you two looking for the same things? And further being someone who hasn’t been able to have her cultural background by her side as much as she would have liked …. I feel that at least having a Korean partner will somewhat reignite that and overall, it means being with someone you’re comfortable with and who can be like a best friend to you.

I hope this entry doesn’t sound like it comes across as bias (but it probably will depending on what perspective you’re reading it from) but it’s only as a means to defining who I am …. which will most likely not work for other people.

Let’s just say, I want to keep some familiarity by my side …. so we shall see.

I may also be thinking this because my friend recently said she’d try to hook me up with one of her friends who happens to not be Korean and I find that by setting him on a “blind date” for her wedding kinda puts pressure on a lot of things …. or I may just be reading too much into it. Either way, I figured I could give him a shot too as I barely know the guy and we’ll see where it goes from there!!

Because one thing’s for sure, life ain’t perfect … you can’t control what happens, you just gotta let things flow and see how they go.

Have I gotten pickier? I would like to say I just have a better idea of what I want in my life (and what I can live without … and that’s unnecessary retarded drama). If I have gotten pickier, it’s a result from being open minded and allowing new experiences …. so you can’t blame me for what I choose to do as I have good reason for doing so. 😉 Let me tell you, back in college, I strayed away from being close to Koreans ….. now things look a bit different but for different reasons.


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