As weird as this may sound, despite the fact that I watch my roommate day in, day out pulling nearly 15+ hours in the hospital I still can’t help but think …. I’m a little jealous. Of the workload she’s pulling and the horrendous hours where she barely gets any time to herself? No not that … but I feel as though she’s making a true contribution now to society as a new rising young physician. The funny thing is, just a year ago, I was turning away from all of this, I was too scared to really dive into the whole idea of residency … so I backed out. I think it was the best decision I’d ever made because now, I’m ready. I know that I want it now though I have an idea of how bad it can get …. and being one who’s been a student and has gotten a small preview of what my life will be like, I’m not exactly glorifying the profession. Yet I do want to make a contribution that I’ve been educated so long to prepare for (watch me in a year, I will be saying the total opposite thing).
On another note, I’ve come to understand how much people undergo as interns. As a rising third year student, I had thought that new interns just complained all the time, all they did was complain …. I vowed that I wouldn’t become like that. Unfortunately, we are human beings and I realize I’ve asked for too much with my idealistic views. Nonetheless, even after understanding this, I still want to look up to someone I can become, I still want to have faith that I can become someone who isn’t entirely cynical and full of jadedness. It is physicians who continue to maintain a certain level of optimism in their practice I hope to emulate throughout my career.
We shall see how it goes … but it is like the graduation speech Stephen Colbert gave at the Northwestern University, “Just because you don’t get what you want doesn’t mean you’re a loser and just because you do get what you want doesn’t mean you’re a winner either. Service is love made visible. Serve those you love.”