When one feels torn.

It’s hard to explain how I’m feeling right now.

So I received news from my mom of one of my cousins setting a date for getting married in this upcoming September. Though I’m elated for him, I also feel this odd nagging feeling that I should be progressing better with my social life as well …. although when you think of it, I’ve probably progressed way further in the career department. Basically my first emotion upon hearing this news wasn’t that I was thrilled … rather I felt that the pressure for me to find someone to get engaged to was increasing. No one said anything but seeing that my cousin is only 2 years older than me and not very far from me life experience-wise, the fact that he is now moving forward with his life by finally getting married just made me think …. what have I done with my life?

No doubt I don’t regret anything that has happened to me and I’m sure there’s plenty I’ve done. Yet what is this pitting feeling that says I’m still in the same place while even my relatives are starting to move forward?

I can’t really blame myself though …. my past relationships have just been of guys who were never really looking for anything serious. It has become clearer to me of what I want out of my life but I can’t help but notice that it’s still taking me some time in finding it.

Nonetheless, I promised myself that I won’t feel rushed in what I do, that I will continue to have fun without worrying of what the future may be.


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