What is it with this recent talk of engagements, marriage, and babies all around me? I feel as though I need to be wanting to get married, to have kids, to raise a family … but I’m not. One of my closest friends from medical school is currently in such a different point in life from me it sometimes scares me. And she’s younger than me! She recently got married, bought a house, and now the plans of having a baby are in the works … and then she decides to confide in me about her plans. And honestly …. it made me a little uncomfortable. I understand that she wanted to talk to someone who can listen but I felt bad as there wasn’t much advice I could give …. then I felt as though that maybe I myself need to grow up, stop being so content with being single, I’ll be hitting a milestone age any time soon now! Should I be acting … more grown up? Should I really be moving more forward with my life?
But I am! It’s not like I’m unemployed, having trouble finding a job or anything … I’m definitely in a spot where I’m trying to push my career forward. It’s just the other parts of my life that may be a bit stagnant … but I’ve always been the type to take things in small strides at a time. Is it so bad that I want to take one step at a time?
Another odd thing … considering how close I am to my milestone age, the idea of having a baby still feels extremely foreign to me. Recently I went to a friend’s goodbye party where the host and hostess recently had their baby. And seeing their baby, the fact that it was their baby still did not register into my head very well. These were two people I used to go out with a lot, drinking wise. And now they are married and have their own child!! It just made me realize … I’m definitely not ready for this life yet. I still have my career and the place I want to ultimately settle …. I’m just not there yet.
But is that the weird part? Why am I not ready yet? Should I be ready by now? Should I be itching to get engaged, get married, and have my own kids? And is it wrong for me to feel ok that I don’t have that itch?
Thank goodness for other single girlfriends or I would die of lonesomeness here. I told my roommate that she’d better not get engaged while I have no potential in sight or I’ll just be extremely sad, swimming in my own depression! In fact, about a year ago, when it seemed like she and her boyfriend started to become more serious, I recall feeling tremendously sad … of the upcoming changes that would happen. Of course I didn’t express these feelings to her but accepting it was … not an easy process. Little did I know that things would fall through a few months later …
I am currently not in the spot to be seriously dating anyone. And after my recent blind-date-that-never-happened disaster, I kind of want to stay away from set ups for a while. I would like to live free of expectations at least until I am ready to say that I want to move forward …..
The grass may look greener on the other side (though in this case I don’t feel it being greener) but it’s always important to want what you already have. 🙂