So I continue to sit and wait for the future to come. In the meanwhile, I’ve been trying to enjoy my leisure time as much as I can. I have been feeling little bouts of nervousness when I think of the not so far future (deer in headlights of being a new physician and not knowing how to do anything and whatnot) but I know that I shouldn’t linger my thoughts or else the rest of my life will seriously just fly right on by and I will never have noticed it.
And yet, I still feel like things are moving very fast. It’s become a new thing where I hang out with people in larger group settings and less so one on one. I kind of miss that … having the intimate moments with friends to really be able to express ourselves and be able to say what we need to say. When you’re in a group setting though, there will be people whom you won’t get the chance to talk to or those people will be busy talking to others, you never get the opportunity to let them know how you’ve been. It seems to be the pattern when you get busier in life … or at least older. You just cram in as many faces as you can when you have your time off and hope to be able to absorb as much as you can.
Yet sometimes …. it is that one face for me that really is more meaningful than seeing eight other faces all at once.
At times, I crave for the moments to just hang out with my roommate when we can. She’s been working so hard it’s become a bit challenging and I cannot blame her for something that’s beyond her control …. but there are moments where I’ve felt as though she’s become so heavily attached towards her co workers that they may become her closer friends than me. In a sense, I feel like I’m getting sort of the shaft.
Weird, isn’t it? Because these guys are also extremely friendly to me as well, invite me to hang out with them and whatnot. Yet I can’t help but feel sort of like an outsider now. Our lives have begun to diverge, they continue to move forward in close working circles while I am in the spot they all were in one year ago. I’m not complaining (or maybe I am?), I’m just trying to find some truth to my feelings lately.
It sometimes feel as though we all try to show our appreciation, the fact that we enjoy one another’s friendship despite our chaotic schedules …. unfortunately, with all the time we have, it gets more challenging to really extract a satisfying dose of spending time with others. At least that’s how I’ve been feeling as I inch closer towards “the end”.
But one reminder to myself I try to get back to when I can: I do what I love and I’m going to do it the only way I know how to. And I won’t feel bad about it.
I may have been flying to either Arizona or Philadelphia when I took this photo … possibly Philadelphia as I never sit in the window seat and there was one flight where I had the entire row to myself.
I’m leaving for the motherland in a week!! Looking forward to going home at last. It’s been over a year since I was last there ….